In Preparation: a Pre-Love Letter
November 25th
At the suggestion of incredible colleagues, I’ve edited the original post to be much more obvious about the PoCC experience:
The space is designed for people of color to experience a deep sense of belonging, centering, and mattering. NAIS has included allies in their outreach. Therefore, at a systems level, of course there is signaling that white colleagues can go. That doesn’t always mean you are ready to go.
If you are a white colleague who has been encouraged NOT to go to PoCC because you weren’t ready yet, then you are not ready yet.
If you heard at your own school that only POC can go, and your first response was, “What? That’s not fair. That’s reverse racism” then you definitely need to identify conferences that specifically address this feeling. PoCC is not one of those conferences.
If you are choosing not to go simply because “It is too hard to constantly think about my impact for three days”, then you are refraining for the wrong reasons.
If you are choosing to go AND you have been identified as an ally by people of color AND you have been in the real practice of de-centering your voice in spaces of color AND you know how to have difficult conversations with other white folks AND you are not taking the funds away from other POC at your institution AND you have systems of accountability in place to address your own fragility that don’t rely on POC AND you are going all-in and not opting-out of affinity group or relying on POC to be your cultural brokers, then, hello and welcome.
November 24, 2019
Dear PoCC fam,
The countdown has begun, has it not? (Yes, yes it has). Here we are again on the cusp of our yearly family reunion: The NAIS People of Color Annual Conference. Yes, I realize we still have to get through our national celebration of colonizers as well as the emphasis on capitalism (aka Thanksgiving and Black Friday… which, I will encourage you to seek alternative traditions such as focusing on the stories, lives, and work of Indigenous People as well as #BlackoutFriday).
But, I actually wanted to emphasize an action item we can take between the long weekend and the journey to Seattle: Preparing for PoCC.
Last year, I wrote a blog post helping to reveal the hidden curriculum of PoCC. It was designed with white colleagues in mind. If you haven’t read that post, I encourage you to pause and read that before continuing here.
Because here’s what happened after that letter went viral: I had dozens of white folks coming up to me saying, “Thank you for your letter. I now know that I should not be at PoCC.”
Say what?
No really… SAY WHAT?
In the words of my friend Aaron Parayno, “My eyes rolled so far back into my head that my ancestors greeted me.”
People -- and people who thought/said that they aren’t coming because they read my letter -- let me be so crystal clear. If you read that, as a white person, and thought, “Well, I guess I shouldn’t go to PoCC”, I want you to know, you read that wrong. And, if you know anything about me, you know I’m about to tell you straight up.
To say that you simply will just not go to PoCC is too easy.
To say, “I will simply remove myself from a space in which I make folks uncomfortable, unsafe, or unable to be their fullest selves” is too easy.
I ask you to think about how easy it is for people of color to simply remove themselves from white spaces when we feel uncomfortable, unsafe, or unable to be their fullest selves. How easy is it for us to just walk away from there? (hint: it’s not even feasible).
My letter wasn’t signaling for you not to be there. In fact, it started with “I’m really glad you are here.”
To be at PoCC, however, means that you need to engage in all of the skills that we, as people of color, are tasked with doing each and every day that we are in predominantly white spaces. We listen. We watch. We learn. And, yes, we codeswitch.
If you are a white person at PoCC, welcome to codeswitching. I know you know what you’re doing when you are in a predominantly white environment. Being at PoCC will be hella different for you. You might need to be different, show up differently, and pay attention differently when you are in Black/Brown spaces than when you do when you are in your predominantly-white space. You might need to be extra aware of how you speak, what you say, and the space you take up. You need to be mindful of your non-verbals, your performance, and how you sound when you speak. You’ll need to be aware of where you are sitting, where you are standing, if you are saving seats for your white colleagues, and even if you (accidently) cut in front of a person of color in line. You will have to listen to the words “white supremacy” and “white fragility” and “white silence” on replay, and you’ll need to really navigate your emotional responses to those words.
Sounds exhausting, right?
Yeah, we Black/Brown folks do this all the darn time. It’s called “Living While Black/Brown in White Spaces.” Like, for real. For real (peep the “To tired to Code Switch” shirts that make an appearance at PoCC).
Sure, the choice can be “I just won’t come to PoCC anymore.”
But, the reality is, “You really should come to PoCC -- and show up in the ways that are most supportive to Communities of Color. And that showing up is going to be really difficult, really tiring, and really hard.” Don’t just opt-out. Opt all the damn way in.”
So, what can you do before coming to PoCC?
Read the many blog posts that emerged written by People of Color that center the voices and experiences of people of color. If you are on Twitter, revisit the backchannels from #PoCC2018 or #PoCC18 to see what people talked about from last year
Read about White Fragility (Robin DiAngelo). Pay attention to specific terms like “white tears” and what happens when you take up space.
If you are a white person going with people of color from your school, do not expect them to be your conference buddy or your tour guide. They are not there for your comfort. They get 3 whole days to feel what you feel nearly all the other days when you are in your predominantly white environment (and yes, I get that someone is about to say, “But, Liza, I don’t always feel like I belong either because I’m ….”; sure, I know there are other ways you experience exclusion. I believe you. And, we are talking about race and being Black/Brown in this space).
If you are a white person going with people of color from your school, you should ask, “What do you need from me while we are at the conference? What can I do to make sure your needs are centered?”
If you are a white person going to PoCC, be ready to reflect on your behaviors and know that folks are paying attention to what you are doing, saying … and what you are not doing and not saying.
Learn how to de-center your needs
Learn how to recover when someone challenges you at PoCC (whether they are a fellow white person or a POC). Develop a strategy for checking in with yourself so that you can learn and grow.
And peep this … you only have to do this for three days. We have to do this the other 361.
I’m sure there are many more that other People of Color and past conference attendees could share with you. This should feel difficult for you. Justice is never easy.
Thank you for your consideration, for your reflections, and for your preparation to make sure that People of Color experience their most fulfilling 3 days all year.
I do love you. And, I do want you to #MakeThingsBetter.
(side note: There are many very valid reasons why folks of color don’t want white colleagues there. I completely understand that. The impact of whiteness means that people of color don’t get to truly experience a “People of Color” conference. Instead, it becomes a diversity and education conference. But, until there is a systemic change or position statement, I realize that this post can help serve as a guide to how to reduce racial harm when at the conference.)
With peace and justice,
Liza